Let us first consider the family. It is possible that your immediate kin, be it siblings, siblings-in-law, cousins, aunts or uncles, are way up in the social strata, while you are shuffling somewhere in the middle-income category. Here, social interaction will be inevitable, whether you meet for simple family get-togethers or on special occasions like weddings, birthday parties and other celebratory functions.
In every interaction, the financial skew is bound to show up: in the car you drive, the clothes you wear, the scale of parties or functions you organise, or the gifts you exchange. While the financial pain points may sting, it will still be a good idea not to try and match them. Even if you strain your budget to buy expensive stuff, or take a loan for an unaffordable car or organise a snazzy function, the family will not think differently about you. If they love you, they will continue to do so irrespective of your financial status, and if they don’t, nothing that you do will convince them to think otherwise.
Hence, it is more practical to focus on increasing your financial security by saving rather than spending to appear rich; investing to enhance your savings instead of trying to fit in; and upgrading your skillset to improve your earnings rather than depleting your existing resources to make people think better of you. Remain focused on investing for your financial goals and do not upset your budget to fund discretionary items or events.
So if you feel you cannot afford to give expensive gifts to family members, make sure you do not accept the same either. If you cannot spend on exotic vacations, politely refuse or suggest those that fit into your budget. If you cannot host too many get-togethers, cut down on the frequency of your social visits. If 20 years down the line, you are unable to send your child to a coveted educational institute, or run short of funds during retirement, you will probably feel worse than you did at not being able to afford the luxury car that your cousin had. In all likelihood, you would not even remember or care for what your family said, did or felt because you didn’t wear appropriate clothes or jewellery at a wedding.
The same rules would apply to close friends who have grown up to acquire more wealth than you. Interact only if you feel your financial mismatch is not a source of discomfort to either, or if it does not pressure you into spending more than you can afford to. Reduce socialising if it is proving to be a financial burden, without completely breaking contact and interacting once in a while. Of course, it is implicit that you never take your friends’ financial heft for granted and lean on them for assistance. If friends truly value the relationship, it is possible to maintain it even on a low budget. It may be better to save face rather than a relationship based on financial worth.IF YOU HAVE A WEALTH WHINE, WRITE TO US…
All of us have been in a financial dilemma when it comes to relationships. How do you say no to a friend who wants you to invest in his new business venture? Should you take a loan from your married brother? Are you concerned about your wife’s impulse buying? If you have any such concerns that are hard to resolve, write in to us at etwealth@timesgroup.com with ‘Wealth Whines’ as the subject.
Disclaimer: The advice in this column is not from a licensed healthcare professional and should not be construed as psychological counselling, therapy or medical advice. ET Wealth and the writer will not be responsible for the outcome of the suggestions made in the column.
