When it comes to swiping through dating profiles, the balance between being discerning and openminded can be hard to strike.
If you veto anyone who doesn’t have what you consider to be a perfect profile, you’ll never swipe right. But if you don’t hold any kind of standard, you could end up on some pretty disappointing dates.
One way to narrow down your search is to omit profiles that exude one thing: negativity.
“One of the biggest red flags for a dating profile is negativity,” says Rachel DeAlto, chief dating expert at Match.com. “I’ll take the person living in their parents’ basement over the person who is negative.”
‘You’re setting yourself up for failure and heartache’
What exactly does a negative profile look like?
Bios that include phrases like “don’t contact me if” or “I don’t want to meet anyone who likes” usually belong to a person who is not in a good dating headspace, DeAlto says.
I’ll take the person living in their parents’ basement over the person who is negative.
People who seem to have a bad attitude about being on the apps at all might include phrases like “why am I even here.”
Even if those lines are meant to inject humor, that cynical mindset can be exhausting.
“No relationship is going to be good if the other person is already in that negative state,” she says. “You’re setting yourself up for failure and some heartache if you’re trying to connect with a person like that.”
‘Give people a shot’
You’ll have a better chance at finding a long-term partner if you match with someone who lists what they want, as opposed to what they don’t want, on their profile.
Not only does this signal that they are in a better headspace, it also allows you to see what some of their values are. Most successful couples align on three core values, DeAlto says.
- Finances: They agree on how they want to spend their money
- Family: There is a shared vision for how they plan to create a family or care for their own family
- Lifestyle: They enjoy putting time into the same activities, like travel or exercising
Of course this won’t all be spelled out for you, but maybe they have lots of pictures with their family or say that they are active in intermural sports.
Those pieces of information are more important than someone who excels at writing a quippy or sarcastic bio.
“The biggest thing I always tell people is to give people a shot,” DeAlto says. “If they have similar values, if they do meet you where you’re at in terms of those big traits, give them a shot.”
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