Sam McGowan: the 10 funniest things I have ever seen (on the internet)

I genuinely love the internet. I spend my entire day scrolling, interacting with other mentally ill homosexuals and finding the perfect Lana Del Rey lyrics to tweet. If you ever see me deep in thought, there’s a good chance I’m just trying to think of the most disgustingly thirsty thing I could possibly say about Timothée Chalamet on Twitter.

This can’t be characterised as an addiction because I know I could stop at any time and I enjoy every second of it. My brain is undoubtedly ruined beyond repair, as you’ll probably gather from this list, but it’s all worth it for the treasures I have found. Please enjoy!

1. HRH Collection potato video

As someone who can get infuriated by things that don’t matter, this video is intensely relatable to me. Alexandra Pierce, better known as HRH Collection, is famous for her unhinged YouTube rants. She has terrible opinions on just about every topic but on this occasion she made some points. How dare someone shame her for eating a baked potato.

2. Liza Minnelli proves she can still sing

In my head I sound exactly like this.

3. Fake Sandra Bullock accounts

For personal reasons, I follow a number of fake Sandra Bullock accounts on Twitter. They all have their own unique take on Sandra’s voice, but the one that always rises above is @TheSandraBee. “I got so scared filming gravity” is totally something that Sandra Bullock might say.

4. When someone hacked Anya Taylor Joy to tweet ‘The Queen’s Gambit 2’

The thought of going to the effort of hacking Anya Taylor Joy just to tweet the words “The Queen’s Gambit 2” is incredible, galaxy-brain thinking to me. I naively presumed that anyone passionate about the show would be at least 60 years of age and wouldn’t know how to do that. If I had God’s megaphone and could say one thing to every person on Earth at once, I would say “The Queen’s Gambit 2”.

5. Nicole Kidman’s 73 Questions

If they gave out Oscars for YouTube videos then Nicole Kidman would have one for this, where she plays her most complex and layered role yet: herself. She somehow manages to be both off the cuff and stiff, down to earth yet out of touch, a superstar and a regular girl next door. With each answer she drops a pearl of life-altering, reality-shaking wisdom.

6. Boss and CEO

A woman who roams the foggy streets, asking strangers if they used to work for her, setting up office in a furniture store and claiming to be a CEO. Mainlymannie’s videos are often surreal and detached from reality, and completely capture the delusional self-importance of business people.

7. Meg Ryan explaining the turnout

There is no greater pleasure in this life than watching two beautiful and delusional women talk about something that makes no sense. Meg Ryan’s morning routine apparently involves something called a “turnout”, which is “imagineering”, both tangible and abstract, and something that “horses do”. If anyone knows what exactly this is, please get in touch with me immediately.

8. Kamala Harris laughing

Kamala Harris and I both operate on two modes: talking nonsense or bursting out laughing. Of her many ijbolian moments, Big Sister General is her finest.

9. Sharpe Family Singers

This family is so loud and weird. Every single video makes me laugh.

10. French Marge Simpson

I’ve never really understood French people, but I do know there’s something deeply wrong with French Marge. Please let this woman have a day off!