When I got the call-up from the Guardian to do this particular article as a rising star (I’ve been rising for about 10 years now), I thought: perhaps I need to outdo all my cool girl counterparts. I need to pick all the niche, arthouse Tina Fey/Amy Poehler vintage SNL sketches. I’ve got to show all the comedy misogynists that I’m surprisingly cultured for a bleach blonde. After all, I did pretend to like all their favourite indie films in high school (by indie I mean Donnie Darko and The Godfather II.)
The internet is the only way I got a start in this business. What would I have done in 2005? Sent my Blu-ray disc into the ABC with all the different human and animal impressions I could fit into three minutes? Edited in iMovie, of course, with bubble text in the corner: “Fruit Bat – by Ruby Teys”.
I still may have to do that, actually.
I’d love to show you the internet that raised me. After all, I owe my whole career and adult life to the beautiful sweet sexy gorgeous internet!
1. Vine, Dubsmash and Triller: Jay Versace
Like Chippendale and Redfern, the internet has been gentrified. Before TikTok there was Vine, Dubmash and Triller. Vine: a six-second looping video platform that trained our brains to see the best of humanity in the shortest time possible while making superstars of young middle Americans! Superstars discovered in their bedrooms – Jay Versace being the best example.
Triller and Dubmash were the first apps to allow us to mime our favourite songs and movie scenes into our phone cameras. Who knew that, in a few years, a combination of the two would still have us gripped – the reason our attention spans have a limit of approximately 21 seconds.
Jay Versace went on to become a record producer, producing hits for Lil Yachty, Denzel Curry and Tyler, the Creator. He has successful endorsement deals with Sprite and MTV.
This is one of the videos that started it all.
2. Cameradancer100
YouTube bloggers owe a lot to the original influencer, a young Cameradancer100, who would do countless song requests after school. This rendition of “oh baby baby” shaped my life on “the YouuuTuuubeeee and Facebooook”.
3. Bec Shaw
Remembering the time my ex was in the ER after being in an accident & the doctor could absolutely not get their pronouns right after like 12 hours & in the morning we overheard him explaining the accident to another doctor and he said “…a car hit they”
— Bec Shaw (@Brocklesnitch) July 5, 2021
I once walked down the street in Salt Lake City and was handed a Mormon pamphlet about God actually creating the sawn-off shotgun on the eighth day. If Johnny Howard bought back all the sawn-off shotguns here in Australia on the 128th day of 1996, then call the cops because Bec Shaw kept her bullets in the form of tweets. And she shoots me in the face with them 360 days a year.
Bec is a comedy powerhouse of genius tweets, scripts and everything else really smart. Like really, really smart. See for yourself. Today’s Shakespeare. Rebecca Shaw tweets kill.
4. Christmas Bitch
Josh Quinton, one of the best digital artists and animators to come out of the UK. Every detail oozes camp excellence and style. What a genius. Once you pop you can’t stop. I dare you to go down the Josh Quinton rabbit hole. You’ll feel cooler.
5. Someone Gay Presents
The golden year for iconic reality TV moments that would circulate the internet for decades to come was 2012. Big Brother UK’s David is Dead is a prime example, where internet sensation Tiffany Pollard and Angie Bowie had a monumental misunderstanding that would change the course of history.
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Here is Sydney production company Someone Gay Presents turning the infamous scene into a piece of electric, immersive theatre at the Ace hotel. Yes, it’s verbatim.
6. Me
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It’s me.
7. Heartthrob Anderson
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I’m glued to this Instagram account. Rob Anderson is an NYT-bestselling author and joke writer. He is currently rewatching all the 90s movies and shows where we couldn’t quite grasp the plot holes and twists. I screamed when he did Indian in the Closet. Obviously. Absolutely Jatz crackers.
8. Serge Gainsbourg’s retirement tribute
Moving stuff. If I ever go out, I need to go out like this. Also, pure evidence that some people just cannot die … even after smoking 83 cigarettes a day for 67 years straight. Slay!
9. British people literally doing anything on the internet in 2011
From “Which one of youse did a sheit?” to “I’m claustrophobic Darren!?!” … it doesn’t get much better than this.
10. The Green Carnation
Big week? Pour a vino, run a bath and pop this on.
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Ruby Teys is an actor, comedian and performance artist from Sydney who walks the fine line between nostalgic bogan subculture and highbrow, nudie-rudie shows. She is hosting Alt Stars Xmas Chaos, a holiday extravaganza, at Sydney’s Factory theatre on 6 December
