From empty glasses of sherry on the mantelpiece to sooty footprints leading to the bedroom door, evidence of Santa’s existence is clearly irrefutable. Yet most children will begin to question it at some point – and many parents anticipate this moment with dread. Now psychologists have identified the average age when Santa scepticism creeps in, and which children are at greatest risk of harbouring negative feelings when it does.
While most adults have fallen for the myth that Santa doesn’t exist, many children still believe – even if the idea of a single individual visiting the homes of billions of children in a single night is at odds with their wider reasoning skills.
Dr Candice Mills, a psychologist at the University of Texas in Dallas, US, and a Santa sceptic, said: “Children typically begin to distinguish fantasy from reality during the preschool years, but their belief in the existence of a singular magical Santa Claus often continues into middle childhood.”
Mills became interested in this issue when she became a parent and “got immersed in the world of promoting Santa Claus” herself. “I felt a bit of tension about it, because on one hand we often encourage our children to be scientific thinkers and to not deceive others, yet with the Santa story, sometimes there’s some stretching of the truth that goes along with it.
“I was worried about coming across to my children as lying, because I knew I had felt upset about being lied to about [Santa].”
To better understand this shift from belief to disbelief and children’s experiences of it, Mills and her colleagues interviewed 48 six- to 15-year-olds who had stopped believing in Santa and 44 of their parents, plus a further 383 adults.
The research, which has not yet been peer reviewed, found that for most children, disbelief crept in gradually about the age of eight – although some three- or four-year-olds had convinced themselves that Santa wasn’t real, while other children believed in him until they were 15 or 16. In many cases, it was testimony from other disbelievers that finally crushed their faith.
Mills said: “They may have had some scepticism based on logical reasoning – like how can Santa Claus really get around the world in one night? – but what pushes them over the edge is a classmate at school saying he’s not real.”
Roughly a third of children and half of adults reported some negative emotions upon falling for the rumour that Santa doesn’t exist. Although these feelings were usually mild and short-lived, about 10% of adults reported longer-lasting sadness or reduced trust in their parents as a result.
Such feelings tended to be associated with learning abruptly or being told directly that Santa isn’t real, making this discovery at an older age, and having parents who had strongly supported the existence of Santa, eg by making videos of him in their living room or leaving trails of glitter on the floor.
However, there were also many children who reported feeling happy or relieved when they gave up their faith. “It was like they’d solved some sort of riddle,” Mills said.
Although Santa clearly frowns on such behaviour, he will be relieved to hear that, regardless of their experience, the vast majority of sceptical adults and children said that they would continue the Santa tradition with their own children, or were already doing so.
As for how Santa deniers should handle Santa-related questions when they crop up, Mills suggested listening closely to what the child is asking, before answering. If they want to know how Santa fits down narrow chimneys, or gets into houses that don’t have one, they may not be ready to give up the idea of Santa. Consider asking the child what they think, talking about what “some people” believe, or simply say “that’s an interesting question”.
If asked directly whether Santa is real, caregivers could also use a deflecting question, such as “what do you think?” and see how the child discusses it themselves. “There can sometimes be some tension, because they want to keep believing in the magic, but they also want to know the truth,” said Mills. Turning it back on the child can help caregivers assess their needs at that point in time.
When Mills was asked this question by her own children, she initially deflected, but when they said, “I want to know the truth” – Mills told them. “They were very proud of themselves and they celebrated.”
Some children may also be more sensitive about being lied to than others, she added. One of the adults she interviewed said they had felt very betrayed by their parents because they had taught them not to lie, but had been doing it themselves. Mills said: “In such cases, parents can soften the blow by acknowledging their child’s feelings and talking about why they have included Santa in their holiday traditions.”
