Oktoberfest in Sept, non-beer biergarten

The city that gave us lederhosen, pretzels and the world’s most enthusiastic beer consumption today unveils its latest masterpiece: Die Null, Munich‘s first alcohol-free biergarten. Yes, you heard that right. A beer garden without the beer. It’s like opening a bakery that only sells gluten-free air croissants. But, hey, innovation knows no bounds, especially when it’s fuelled by sparkling water, and a need for residents to keep their sanity from kolsch louts.

When Munich mayor Dieter Reiter inaugurates Die Null today, and the crowd erupts in polite applause, know that rowdy cheers are so 20th century. And the ultimate power move: ‘I’ll have a non-alcoholic beer, bitte. And while you’re at it, could you also fetch my silent accordion?’ Mocktails that mock your life choices. Juices so fresh they’re still on the tree.

And for adventurous souls, a shot of schnapps that’s as potent as dandelion wine. But why, some of you may well ask, would anyone voluntarily choose sobriety during Oktoberfest (which confusingly starts in mid-September)?’ Well, because we’re entering the era of ‘post-hangover chic’ with clear-eyed Mondays. And nothing says sophistication like swirling a giant alcohol-free beer mug and hailing for another round. So, teetotalitarian reader or otherwise, raise your glass to the option of beer-free beer in Beer Country. Prost!