No ties are monolithic

‘Differences and doubts arise in life because we don’t get to their roots and circumstances and don’t communicate,’ wrote psychologist William James. This is relevant to relationships of all hues. We often stop talking to a person on a perceived ill-notion. It’s always advisable to thrash out the matter face-to-face, instead of harbouring ill-feelings till the wrinkled eve of one’s life. Communication, especially effective communication, not only breaks down the barriers, it also leaves all with a clear conscience.

No relation is monotrack. We’ve to take utmost care to perpetuate it. In one of his masnavis, Jalaluddin Rumi describes man and his relationship with God. A person dies and meets his maker. He asks God, ‘Why didn’t you ever give me what I needed?’ In return, God asks, ‘Why didn’t you communicate with me through prayers?’ Man replies, ‘Why should I pray, when it’s said that you’re omniscient and know what’s going on in every person’s heart and mind?’ God laughs uproariously and says, ‘You’re right. But, then, don’t I say in the Quran that interaction between Allah and his followers is also equally needed? You didn’t ask for it, otherwise, I had the whole world to give you.’

We tend to take all relationships as monolithic. We make it an ego issue if we don’t get to hear from the other person. But we forget that the other person also expects the same from us. Granted, every relationship is based on mutual trust and faith, but no one’s required to share every unnecessary detail with the other person, let that be one’s spouse or beloved. This is possible when both are well-communicated, yet keep their privacy intact and well-guarded.