Tracking your steps is one thing. But measuring midnight boners is another. Throw your son’s erection in the mix for comparison, and some may say that’s a step too far.
Not for millionaire CEO Bryan Johnson, who’s gained notoriety through his numerous failed attempts to achieve eternal youth – including by infusing himself with his son’s blood.
He hoped the plasma, donated by his then-17-year-old son, who he nicknamed ‘blood boy’, would stave off the effects of aging. It didn’t.
Mr Johnson has now revealed he hasn’t just been using his son to stay young – he’s been competing against his virility too.
‘Nighttime erection data from my 19-year-old son Talmage Johnson’, Mr Johnson said this week. ‘His duration is two minutes longer than mine.’
In a post on X, Mr Johnson shared a comparison of their metrics – the number of erection episodes, total duration of them, average erection quality – whatever that is – and sleep efficiency.
‘Raise children to stand tall, be firm, and be upright’, he said. Explaining his philosophy on how to be a good dad, he said: ‘Be sure your child prioritizes sleep, eats nutritious food, get’s regular exercise, loves to learn, thinks critically, plays well with others, builds strong character, provides healthy plasma, has robust nighttime erections.’
Talmage seems to approve, saying: ‘I’m grateful for the way my dad has raised me’.
He previously said his 2025 goal is: ‘Achieve the same biomarkers as the world’s healthiest and most measured human.
‘He started at 43. I’m starting at 19. No matter your situation, you can start now too.’
But Mr Johnson’s revelation unsurprisingly raised a few eyebrows. ‘Going meat for meat on the tl with ur teenage son is wild’, Rocky said.
Wash Your Crack said: ‘I have a feeling this won’t even crack the top 10 most disturbing chapters in your son’s inevitable autobiography.’
Wazz said: ‘I guarantee you this sentence has never been uttered in the English language.’
Charles Rense said: ‘You’ve given a whole new meaning to the term “helicopter parenting”. And I really wish you hadn’t.’
Reiiku is here is here with the important questions: ‘How is the quality of an erection evaluated?’
The subject of Netflix documentary Don’t Die: The Man Who Wants to Live Forever, Mr Johnson has spent more than $2million a year trying to find a way to stay young.
When his son’s blood transfusions failed, he turned to replacing his plasma with a protein-based substance called Albumin.
‘The therapy objectives are to remove toxins from my body’, Mr Johnson said. ‘The evidence is emergent.’
He even sells his own supplements and individuals health plans while taking 54 supplements a day, although he’s had to quit one of those afterdiscovering it might be making him older, not younger.
Rapamycin is a drug originally used as an immunosuppressant to prevent organ transplant rejection and as a treatment for some cancers and rare diseases.
Bryan said on X: ‘Despite the immense potential from pre-clinical trials, my team and I came to the conclusion that the benefits of lifelong dosing of rapamycin do not justify the hefty side-effects (intermittent skin/soft tissue infections, lipid abnormalities, glucose elevations, and increased resting heart rate).
‘With no other underlying causes identified, we suspected rapamycin, and since dosage adjustments had no effect, we decided to discontinue it entirely.
‘Additionally, a new pre-print indicated that rapamycin was one of a handful of supposed longevity interventions to cause an increase/acceleration of aging in humans across 16 epigenetic aging clocks.’
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