Dr. Sarah Holmes, Chief Medical Officer at Marie Curie, the UK’s leading end of life charity, has spent years guiding patients through their final days, offering comfort and support during one of life’s most challenging transitions.
Through her work in palliative care, she has witnessed a wide range of emotions and concerns from those nearing the end of life. Yet, one regret surfaces more frequently than any other.
While the fear of physical pain or the uncertainty of what dying will be like are common worries, Dr. Holmes explains that these concerns are often manageable with the right care.
“The biggest worry for many is whether they might experience pain, but with proper medication, that’s usually quite manageable,” she told Express.co.uk.
However, it’s not physical suffering that lingers most in the minds of the dying – it’s the emotional burden of unfinished business.
“People don’t tend to regret what they’ve done in life as much as what they’ve left undone”, she continued. “The most common regret I hear is not having lived fully, not saying the things that needed to be said, or not doing the things they always wanted to do.”
In her role, Dr. Holmes often finds herself helping patients navigate these deeply personal regrets.
“One of the things we focus on is ensuring people have the chance to address these regrets. Whether it’s making amends with loved ones, fulfilling a final wish, or simply having those difficult conversations they’ve been avoiding.”
This regret of unfulfilled dreams and unsaid words highlights the importance of living with intention. Dr. Holmes notes that many of her patients express a wish that they had faced their mortality earlier, allowing them to make the most of the time they had.
“Not facing up to our own mortality means we don’t make the best of the time we’ve got,” she said.
She encourages people to have open and honest conversations about death and dying long before they find themselves at the end of life.
“It doesn’t make it happen any quicker, but it does ensure that when the time comes, there are no regrets about what was left unsaid or undone.”
Her advice to those supporting a loved one at the end of life is simple: be present, have those hard conversations, and remember that hearing is the last sense to go.
“Keep talking to them, even if they seem unconscious. Sometimes, just knowing someone is there makes all the difference,” she advised.
“The biggest regret I hear isn’t about the life people lived—it’s about the life they didn’t.”
For anyone affected by death, dying, or bereavement, Marie Curie has a free Information and Support line, with trained professionals who can give practical information or provide a listening ear, that you can call 0800 090 2309.
