A 23-year-old embarrassed about his lack of experience in the bedroom lied to his girlfriend about being a virgin – something that could set him up for future sexual dysfunction.
The anonymous Reddit user posted in a thread titled, ‘Am I Wrong’, explaining he has been lying to a girl he’s dating about being a virgin because he is embarrassed and feels being a virgin at his age is ‘pathetic.’
The average age of men having sex for the first time is 17 years old in the US, and while experts say there is no ‘normal’ or ‘right’ time to lose your virginity, they acknowledge the social pressure surrounding sex and the desire to seem experienced.
But it isn’t only embarrassment a late-in-life virgin could suffer.
Research has shown that the later a person has sex for the first time, the more at risk they are of experiencing sexual problems.
Seth Eisenberg, CEO of the PAIRS Foundation, a nonprofit that focuses on fostering healthy relationships, previously told DailyMail.com that people who lose their virginity later in life may have greater difficulty becoming aroused and experiencing orgasms once they do become sexually active.
And studies have shown that waiting too long to do the deed can lead to pent up frustration, weak muscles and performance anxiety, leading to erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation or the inability to orgasm.
A 23-year-old virgin has appealed to the internet for help with his dilemma – should he tell his girlfriend or not
The Reddit user wrote that he met a 24-year-old medical student on the dating app Hinge and they have been on several dates.
Fortunately, he says she ‘wants to take things slow before sex’ but on their third date, the poster wrote, ‘she was leaning on me and rubbing my thigh. I know what that means.
‘In my own fantasy world I would’ve pounced on the opportunity.’
However, feeling self conscious, he declined her advances, adding’ She would know I’m a virgin.’
The Redditor said: ‘So I just said I’m really tired and wanted to go home. She had a bit of a disappointed look on her cute little face but walked me to the entrance.
‘She gave me a long kiss, which I’m somewhat experienced with but still not nearly as good as a guy my age should be.’
The Redditor said he thought his date started to suspect something after he didn’t make any moves on their third date: ‘I think the past two days of this caught up to her.
‘She asked very quietly while smiling “are you a virgin?”‘
The poster continued: ‘Call me The Weeknd cause I could not feel my face at that moment of time. Out of pure fright I said “No. I’m just tired,” and she laughed.
‘She’s gonna find out eventually. And I really like her. But she will know I lied about this and I don’t know what the f*** to do.’
To date, the post has garnered more than 400 comments with people offering their advice.
Many commenters have encouraged the virgin to be honest.
Actress Rebel Wilson has revealed she didn’t have sex for the first time until 35 years old, which is double the age the average American is losing their virginity – 17 years old
One person wrote: ‘Be honest earlier rather than later… Communication is everything. If you can’t be honest with her, you may as well not be with her. Getting nervous is acceptable. Being untrustworthy is not.’
Meanwhile, a female commenter gave him some reassurance, writing: ‘As a girl, I don’t understand what the hell is wrong about a guy being a virgin.
‘I actually think its kind of cute if he didn’t have anyone before me.
‘If she gets turned off by this, she honestly just isn’t the right one. Don’t waste your time and find someone who wants you for who you are, not how many girls you slept with.’
While the vast majority of commenters reassured the man there is nothing wrong with being a virgin at 23, experts have long highlighted the benefits of a healthy sex life, which include boosting your immune system and heart health, lowering blood pressure, strengthening muscles, improving sleep and even extending a person’s lifespan.
When abstaining from sex for extended periods of time – either remaining a virgin or going through a dry spell – studies have found thinking slows down, the immune system worsens, pelvic muscles and bladder control weaken, stress and frustration increase, pain tolerances plummets and your sleep is disrupted.
In 2007, one of the earliest studies to examine how the age of losing your virginity predicts future outcomes found men who first have sex at 21 to 23 years old tend to have a harder time getting and maintaining an erection and experiencing an orgasm.
Men who first had sex in their 20s had a 59 percent higher risk of experiencing sexual arousal issues than men who had sex at 17 years old.
They also had a 46 percent increased risk of erectile problems and a 74 percent higher risk of not being able to achieve an orgasm.
Stephanie Manes, a couples therapist, previously told DailyMail.com the pressure to perform after waiting all those years can lead to anxiety that will kill the mood.
She said: ‘Anxiety is a big buzz-kill for arousal.
‘It’s pretty common for men to run into some trouble keeping an erection or having an orgasm the first time they have sex with a new partner. There can be a lot of pressure to please the woman and to prove that they can be a good lover.’
