Change is within us

Have you ever thought to yourself, ‘My manager is too aggressive’ or ‘This colleague of mine is not trustworthy’ or ‘That team member is not driven enough’? Or, in your personal life, the thought that ‘My children have stopped listening to me’? If you notice what’s common in all such thoughts is a subconscious belief that the source of my ineffectiveness or unhappiness is outside of me; that only if someone else could change their behaviour, my life would be so much better.

We tend to externalise our challenges and keep hoping for others to change. That’s unlikely to materialise. The reality is, the change is within us. Ask yourself, ‘Is my manager too demanding or am I not courageous enough to express myself and my needs’ or ‘Is that colleague not trustworthy or am I not being collaborative’ or ‘Is that team member not driven enough or have I not been able to inspire him’? ‘Have my children stopped listening to me or do I no longer understand their needs’? Which one is the truth?

The good news is when we look within and start to change, irrespective of the people and the circumstances around us, we start to experience a different reality. This is not about shifting the blame or compromising; it’s the difference between looking out of the 2nd and the 22nd floor of the Air India Building – the scenery outside is the same but it looks very different. Because we have a different perspective. When we start to shift our attitude, perceptions, beliefs, actions and behaviour, we suddenly relate to the world around us differently.

Ironically, our change invariably elicits a healthier response from others too.